Reader Mail 11

Good afternoon, citizens.

Before I get into my post, let me take a moment to address the Comic-Con attendees:

You all SUCK!  I hate you!  It's SO UNFAIR!  You all and your teasing me with all the cool THINGS you get to see while I'm stuck here at home waiting for the A/C repairman to arrive!  How could you?  How could you go knowing that I COULDN'T?  Do I mean NOTHING to you?

*SOBS*

Okay, I'm better.  And I really don't hate anyone - I love EVERYBODY!

Enough touchy feely crap, it's FRIDAY!

You know what that means, Nation -

It's time for Animaniacs and we're zany to the max.  So just sit back and relax, you'll laugh 'till you collapse, it's time for ...READER MAIL!

This week's mail bag was delivered by Baloo in the Seaduck - Don Karnage on his tail the ENTIRE way!

First, the disclaimer: Reader Mail is where I kick back, relax, and answer your mail in public and in the least serious way possible.  Okay, there may be SOME real answers ahead, but for the most part, don't take anything I say in this entry TOO seriously unless otherwise noted.  And if I tease you in any way - it's completely out of love.

Now, let's get this party started WITH...   Sarah:

"You PWN The Hanso Foundation.

See?

So does RB."

Wow!  I guess we WOULD make the perfect Super-Hero team, wouldn't we?  P could distract the bad guys with her sexy looks and mad hacking skills while I disappear into the shadows and appear RIGHT behind the villain with an uppercut to the base of the skull!  That is, if I didn't borrow P's iron.  If I did, I'd just use that.

WHAMMO!

BIF!

POW!

BAM!

Okay, who's next from the bag?  ZMAN247, THAT'S WHO:

"Hello Mr. Speaker.

Which do you think is better the GoBots, or Garbage Pail Kids

The GoBots were like a lesser version than the Transformers.  Just like the Garbage Pail Kids were lesser versions of Cabbage Patch Kids.  You could even ask about MASK to GI Joe, or Heathcliff to Garfield.  A little lesser than the original, but still good.

Being a collector, I would like your opinion."

I would love to answer your question, but there are two fatal flaws:

1. Garbage Pail Kids were NOT a lesser version of Cabbage Patch Kids.  If anything, they were a parody of them and FAR superior.

2. MASK was not a lesser version of G.I. Joe.  MASK was more about the vehicles than those who drove them.  And again, was far superior to G.I. Joe.

But I will attempt to answer part of your question.  I was never a big Heathcliff fan.  I did read, but was all about the Garfield and his penchant for Lasagna.  GoBots on the other hand, I liked.  Not nearly as much as Transformers, but I still liked them.

Okay, so GoBots sucked.  But I still think Cy-Kill was pretty cool.

Next up is KJ:

"Speaker,

Your vast, incredible knowledge of pop culture from all different genres has led me to believe that you must be some kind of SuperSpeaker.  I just hope you use your power for good instead of evil.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I think Mittlewerk should donate his ponytail to charity."

I use my powers for awesome.  But I have no idea what this "pop culture" you speak of is.  Is it like an Interocitor? (I never Metaluna I didn't like!)  Or is it some sort of strange brightly colored bear with a picture on its chest that's representational of its personality?  Could it be a vampire with a soul doomed to an eternity of atonement and brooding?  Or is it simply a young computer tech accidentally injected with nanites who is suddenly thrust into field work for the NSA because he's become so powerful?

Please explain so I can answer.

As far as Mittelwerk . . . I bet "Locks of Love" would be thrilled to have his hair!

Next up from the mailbag is a man feistier than a ZuKitten on caffeine, David from TLEC:

"Speaker,

There has been a lot of speculation related to Thomas Mittlewerk's ponytail.  Some call it "evil" and are afraid of the power of the pony.  Some people even believe that it might be fake, but I know better.  In exchange for sharing with you this Secret Hanso Foundation Diagram used by TM's barber, I'd like for you to share with me information about which men's haircut you are the most afraid of?

Mulletlessly Yours,
David from TLEC"

I'm not really afraid of haircuts.  There are ones that I'd never wear.  I'd never have a Mullet.  I'd never get Emo-bangs.  I'd never get what's referred to by Patrick on Coupling as a "Hard man."  And, I'd never get an Afro.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the haircuts.  They're just not for me.  They're actually all pretty useful.  Mullets are great for attracting aliens.  I mean, if you're into being kidnapped onto flying saucers to have stories your friends'll never believe.  Emo-bangs shield your brain from annoying "positive vibes" and "general mushy or happy things."  It's the one thing the care-bear stare cannot penetrate.  The "Hard man" somewhat resembles a Rhino horn so if you've got problems with ticks it's the perfect hair style for you.  What it does is trick Oxpeckers into landing on you and eating any insectoid infestations you might have.  And finally, the Afro, is of course, the only hairstyle to get those motherfrellin' snakes of the motherfrellin' plane.

Next up is a real hot steppa, he's lean, he's mean, he's called the Gatekepa:

"Hey Speaker,
I have a new song.  This time it's a love song for Rachel Blake.  I'm hoping that somehow she will hear it and forget about you and the Lost Ninja.  I even reference you guys in the song :)"

I heard this on the TLEC 10.2 podcast.

You win this round, Kepa.  But I'll get you next time Gadget!  Next time!

Next up is Sam:

"Quick question -

Hurley is to food,

as Speaker is to .........?"

Oh, I suck at these.  Okay . . . "FOOD" is something that Hurley "CONSUMES."  Okay, what is something that Speaker "CONSUMES?"   Well, Speaker is a shadow so . . .

I GOT IT!

Hurley is to food,
as Speaker is to LIGHT!

Now, let me reach into my magical mailbag and pull out an e-mail (wait... I get e-mail in a bag?) from . . .

Bewildered!

"Hey Speaker,

Just wondering, have you come across any evidence that supports the hypothesis that Rachel is the grandchild of Alvar Hanso and Joop?  Is this why Alvar has Fixer protecting her from Mittlewerk and why Rachel is so desperate to find Alvar?"

Actually I've . . . wait . . .

*reads again*

Alvar and JOOP!?

*Blinks*

I . . . uh . . . um, well . . . nevermind.  The NEXT question comes from Leighsa:

"Boxers or briefs?"

Well, it WAS boxers . . . but my entire wardrobe was mysteriously set on fire.  I gotta go clothes shopping now.

I'll be back with an entire new ensemble.  IFFFFFF anything excting happens, comment here and I'll make a new entry later tonight when this one gets full.

Have a good Friday, you crazy kids.

Until next time!

WHERE'S THE PICS!?

I'm saving them - Don't worry, if you sent me something it will most likely appear in the somewhat near future!

*poofs*

Comments

[alamogordo]

maybe--

[alamogordo-]

Yes!

[teriac]

way to go alamo!
top something! whoo

[alamogordo-]

teriac--it's so slow today it looks like we could be 5th, 6th, 7th, on and on and on--

[johann-sirdidy-gut]

ashleebear - I'm doing just splendidly me lady. A tad warm for my tastes in Seattle, but nonetheless...splendid. Yourself?

ladylaw - I knew I spelled that wrong!

Leighsa - you're smashingly radiant as usual..

[KJ]

Hee, I made it to reader mail!

[xvc]

top ten

[Macaulay Culkin]

http://tinyurl.com/zlkdj

[ruben]

top ten

[Skirtz]

not last

[Leighsa]

HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HA
HAHAH
HAHA
HA
HA

I love my lighter.

[ashleebear]

top 20?

[cat in the hat]

first time in the first ermmmm 10? hurah!

[cat in the hat]

and i agree with speeker. Garbage pail kids were Far cooler

[Skirtz]

Ok, I've decided that everyone who is going to comic con with the exception of Pandora is no longer my friend because that's just how I feel today so there! :P

[harcar]

top 20. woo. hoo.

[johann-sirdidy-gut]

There, there Skirtz, don't feel bad, you still have all your buddies here in the Arrrrrrrrggg (pirate).

*Here,have a cookie...and when this is all over, you'll feel right as rain*

[Skirtz]

awe, thanks johann-sirdidy-gut *munch munch munch*

say, is it time for another round of we are the ARG?

[ksat]

So - we're holding on tight to hear something from RB today? He message yesterday said "Check back tomorrow - there's more...".

Hope it's soon!

[ashleebear]

Worst thing about Garbage Pail Kids: being called "Trashy Ashley" by all the dumb boys in my 3rd grade class. Boys suck--except Sir Didy. (Or do you? Hmmm. . .)

[Sarah]

Yay! I'm in Reader Mail!

[Leighsa]

Yay I set Speaker's underwear on fire!

[seth]

top of the world!!

[johann-sirdidy-gut]

Skirtz - I'm planning on writing a whole song over the weekend! Glad you enjoyed the cookies, the Oracle baked them herself. Do you myspace?

ashleebear - honestly, do I reeeealllly have to answer that question? ;)

[lostmiss]

So, Speaker, are you saying that you are going commando for the time being? *Raised eyebrow*