Reader Mail 13

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN  5 P.M. and 6 P.M ON THE DAY OF THE I.T.E. PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY

Good afternoon, citizens.

Before I get into my post, let me just say:

BLATHERIN' BLATHERSKITES!

Guess what?  It's FRIDAY!

And you know what THAT means, Nation -

It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky, it's altogether ooky, it's READER MAIL!

This week's mail bag is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

First, the disclaimer: Reader Mail is where I kick back, relax, and answer your mail in public and in the least serious way possible.  Okay, there may be SOME real answers ahead, but for the most part, don't take anything I say in this entry TOO seriously unless otherwise noted.  And if I tease you in any way - it's completely out of love.

Disclaimer addendum: Sadly, there are no glyphs from me today.

TODAY I'm going to do something a bit different.  Today, Reader Mail will be done in REAL TIME!

Well - as close as I can get to it, anyway.  I'm going to post this intro first, then start answering mail.  Every time I answer one, I will just add it on LIVE!  So, this post won't be done until the "until next time," so keep refreshing if you don't see that!

Now let's get this EXTREMELY SLOW party started!

Oh my, checkin' some e-mail, hopin' that it's from another female.  Who's first? OH!  It's a female!

"Dear Speaker,

Something has been bothering me for quite some time, and seeing as you're the man with all the answers I thought I'd see if you could help explain this to me. 

Here goes:

Why wont they let the Trix rabbit have the flippn' Trix? I mean that poor bunny has been trying to get a bite of that deliciously fruity cereal for, what, at least 25 years now, and they can't let him have one stupid bite?!?  I know, I know, Trix are for kids, but seriously its not like the world would come to a crashing halt if they gave the Rabbit just a little Trix, it seems like discrimination to me!  So let me know your thoughts on the subject, there must be something I'm missing.

I also just had a thought, that rabbit is REALLY old now. The average life span for a rabbit is about 7 years, and he's way older than that. Is it possible he's part of the LEP?  Just a thought.

Thank you for your time,

April"

Actually - what the Valenzetti Equation ACTUALLY predicts is the exact date that the Trix Rabbit finally takes a bite into that delicious sugary mash - and I'm sorry, but the world WILL come to a crashing halt.

Okay - working out kinks.  Taking awhile cuz my little computer isn't liking all this flipping back and forth between windows right now.  So, I'll just pull another letter from the bag:

"Hello there.

I am very itchy, I guess when you have 18 mosquito bites that's what happens. I would be delighted to hear if you had an suggestions to make the itching stop. 

Now a question, are you a Chili Peppers fan. I am. Aeroplane and Fortune Faded are my favorites...in case you were wondering.

  

      Your Itchy Fan

         YAYlost"

Well there's your problem.  Chili peppers are an irritant.  If you want the itching to stop, get far far away from the chili peppers and... I dunno, rub some vitamin E or something on it.

When did this become an advice column?

Okay, now, who's next?  It's TRACE!

"It's called "The Geeky Bride,"   a swashbuckling, nerdy tale of a skinny
thing called Rachel and her pals.  We pick up the tale on a sailboat
where Rachel has been captured by Fixther and his cronies, Inigo and
Fethick.

Inigo: Sir, are you sure nobody's follow us?
Fixther: Incontheivable!
Fethick:  Anybody want a peanut?
Inigo: Well I just happen to look back and som'sing is there - it's an
ape-man with a scary ponytail of death! Gah!
Fixther:  Well he'th too LATE!!!  THEE???
(dramatic organ music - Dun dun DUUUUN)
  THE GLYPHTH OF INTHANITY!!!
Rachel: Hey - that's my line!  Why do YOU get to introduce the glyphs? I
thought you were the bad guy!
Fixther: Rathel, there'th thomething you thould know - I am your father,
Javi Alvar Degroot Skywalker!! (dun dun DUN!)
Rachel: wtf??

Speaker what do you think? Do I have a future in Hollywood or what???"

I was honestly going to make fun of this.  But, "THE GLYPHS OF INSANITY" is just too good, so you're save this time.  For that one phrase you get a "HUZZAH!" from me.

Next up with have Jordan:

"Who would win Steepen Colbert or an army of Lutheran
grizzly bears trained by barbra steisand to throw
killer pieces of bowtie pasta???"

Oh, that's easy, Jordan.  Stephen Colbert.  Because, there's no such thing as a Lutheran Grizzly.  Grizzlies, by definition, are GODLESS killing machines.

Again, sorry this is going so slow - I'm actually CHOOSING which E-Mails I read as I go.  If there's a next time - I'll choose before hand. :)

Next up is M, who asks:

"Good Day Speaker,

Surprise,Surprise! This isn't a list of posters to ban or books to burn. But
it is a list....of cartoons,please.

So,when you have a moment: what are your top 5 favorite cartoons on the tube
now or scheduled for the fall season? And what are your 5 alltime favorites?
Scooby-Do doesn't count because the French have declared it a new form of
'cinema ironie.'

If the board is making you nuts, well-'Get an axe.'"

Oh - good question.  Okay, this one will take a bit of thought.  In NO particular order:

ON NOW
Family Guy
South Park (Including their Family Guy ep)
Aqua Team Hunger Force
Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast
Kim Possible

ALL TIME
Animaniacs
Freakazoid
Clerks TAS
BATMAN TAS
Transformers

Here's the thing though - ask me next week and you might get different answers.
No, I have not caught the Amazing Screw-On Head - YET.

I'm officially going to stop spell checking every time - sorry, you'll get to see just how horrible a speller I TRULLY (on purpose) am until the end!

The next letter is from Phil:

"ok, so i let my compass guide me, and i found myself sitting facing due south, and all of a sudden i could move the compass needle with my mind.

is that normal?"

No, that is NOT normal.  And you should seek IMMEDIATE attention from either your local Hanso Foundation, or Blue Sun corporation.

The next E-mail can't get any live-er!  I JUST got it!

"Hey Speaker,
Thanks for the new edition of reader mail!  Just what I needed to brighten my day.
Since email is like a box of chocolate with never knowing what you'd get, I would love a dark chocolate truffle with carmel inside.

What type of chocolate do you think Hanso likes? D.H.A.R.M.A. brand?  What about Rachel? Sweet milk chocolate?
More importantly, what do you like?

later,
gin*grl "

Mmmmmmm...... chocolate.... *Homer Drool*

Hmmmm.... I keep getting E-Mails.  At some point I'm gonna have to cut this off or it'll NEVER end.

"Hey Speaker,

  I hope this question will be answered live... anywho I was wondering what
your favorite television show is... also what is your favorite video game.
Thank you!

Tapdawg"

My favorite TV show?  Is this a trick question?  In NO particular order, my top three are: Lost, Veronica Mars, and BSG.

Video game - in the past year or so, hands down Shadow of the Colossus.

Okay, that's it for tonight.  It's getting close to an hour since it started.  I didn't answer all the questions and I haven't put up any pictures.  I will do another photoshop special sometime soon, so don't worry if you sent something.  It'll get up.

Also, I've been getting song lyrics - I may put them in the photoshop special.

So, thanks.  That was fun.  I'll have to do it again some time.  But next time, I'll be better prepared.

Have a great weekend and until next time.

Comments

[Distrustful]

Nanner nanner boo boo

second....third?

[AprilisLost]

aw distrustful beat me.:P

[shedevil]

:P dis

[Heather]

What SPF do you wear when you go out?

ummm, isn't it Saturday Speaker?

[gin*grl]

Yah top 10!
?

top 384

[truffula]

this ought to be fun :)

[gin*grl]

Yah I wonder what type of chocolates are in his mail?

:)

[AprilisLost]

Taking a while, wonder if speaker is reading a
monte-mail. (that's right just coined a new term)

[Speaker]

Yes it's Saturday - I'm very LATE. :)

[AprilisLost]

Thanks for that speaker, I was afraid of that.

[shedevil]

LOL Speaker!

[Island815]

Wow, this is cool! earliest post for me!

[homestars421]

did anyone see the contaminted card? i believe it says wickmund, not wickman. top 20?

[gin*grl]

Well I can forgive you Speaker for a day late reader email post.

[homestars421]

yes! 24 theme!

[AprilisLost]

I've seen it written both ways before, so if that's what the card says then thats probably right.

[homestars421]

LOST DHARMA INITIATIVE FLASH CARD #4 VARIANT ULTRA RARE
that is the title of the lot

[Island815]

homestars- What contaminated card?

[homestars421]

island, in the last thread, there was talk of a set of trading cards form Comic-Con. some sets had a different #4 card, and they called it the Contaminated card, like it had to be Quarantined... get it?

[RIP]

(From last thread)
RIP - saw poetry in motion link above. Wife and daughters LOVED it! Hope don't offend, hope not stereotyped...

Do u have myspace?

Posted by: John - Not Locke | August 05, 2006 at 05:13 PM

No, I DO NOT HAVE MYSPACE!!!!
(Not yelling at you, JNL, just hoping enough people will see it this time and they'll stop asking me.)

What do you mean by "stereotyped"? I'm confused.

P.S. I don't think I've posted this high since the time I found that glyph...

[shedevil]

LMAO Trace!! Hooray Princess Bride!

[homestars421]

currently selling for $8.45 USD